


Through Translucent Eyes, I Found You

by YouarethereasonIwrite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Disabled Character, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:39:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4718042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouarethereasonIwrite/pseuds/YouarethereasonIwrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insomniac, depressed Sawamura Daichi meets blind Sugawara Koushi in a coffee shop in the middle of the night. The two have entirely different lives but one thing they have in common for sure is the fact that they think the cruel world is unfair to themselves. But, maybe, just maybe, they can find happiness within each other. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Translucent Eyes, I Found You

**Author's Note:**

> Ok well this took me like three days to write so.... To all my "Angels Aren't Always Perfect" fans... I'M SO SORRY. I S2G I'M TYPING THAT UP AS WELL !! i JSUT WANTED TO WRITE ANOTHER QUICK ONESHOT ABOUT BLIND! SUGAWARA AND DEPRESSED! DAICHI! I SWEAR I WILL BE ABLE TO GET THE NEXT CHAPTER OUT IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.
> 
> Anyway, all my fics are unbeta'd as usual, but if you see a huge mistake that really bugs you, don't hesitate to tell me! :0 Also, all of this is based on real life, like blind Sugawara is based off of my own blind sister so! I've seen like a few disabled character aus but I haven't seen much that go into depth w/ blindness so I decided to write one of my own! This fic has literally no plot other than Daichi meeting Sugawara and falling in love. I just wanted a fic that would inform people about how "being blind" is like and what being blind and Asian is like. Talks a bit about racism/yellow fever which I feel like hasn't been spoken about a lot???
> 
> Ok, well I'm done ranting but I hope you like this self indulgent fic! : ) 
> 
> PS. "Be Ok" by Ingrid Michaelson (which is like briefly in the story) does not belong to me. Neither does Haikyuu. Enjoy!

 

 

He had the bad case of insomnia once again. Rainy days and sullen moods were supposed to aid him in drowning in lucid dreams and vivid hallucinations. They never did though. Nothing ever did help him when he needed it the most, especially not regarding his strange sleep pattern. He wonders if the world really did love to screw him over, or if the world just liked to watch him suffer in particular.

Nonetheless, Daichi had to continue on surviving and living in a cruel world that hated people like him. And in the land of the proclaimed free, where he thought he would be able to find more opportunities compared to his economically stricken home, they hated him even more. As a pansexual/panromantic Japanese individual, he never really fit into the “norm” of America. He still remembered when he first arrived to the states in Denver, Colorado, and the first person he met was a white American elder who gruffly told him to “go back to China” where he belonged. Honestly, Daichi was visibly shocked from the statement, and he could only gape before promptly fleeing from the area, trying desperately to read English on street signs and different stores from the lessons he learned in school. Even with the years of the language he was required to learn in Japan, nothing could ever prepare him for the real thing.

So began the years of trying to awkwardly fit in while simultaneously trying to deal with his insomnia and depression. And now, three years later, at the spitting age of twenty five, he still so called “moped around” like a teenager. It made sense that he wasn’t able to cure his mental illnesses and such, but it didn’t make having depression and insomnia any easier either.  Sometimes, he wished he didn’t have to suffer through his mental illnesses and that the terrible past never happened. And most of the time, he pitied himself.

Anyway, it was another night of shitty insomnia and worse company, so he left his stoned roommate (who barely paid for rent, mind you, but beggars can’t be choosers) and sauntered off to the nearest open cafe. There was a little, quaint cafe in downtown Denver, which was close to his overpriced apartment anyway, so he easily traveled through the busy streets. Even at almost three am, the downtown never seemed to sleep. He slipped through the doors, a bell alarming his presence as he swiftly seated himself. He was a frequent customer, and being friends with the owner wasn’t so bad either.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. “Sawamura!” Ukai Keishin greeted heartily, slapping the raven on the back for good measure. It wasn’t uncommon for Ukai to be loitering around, chatting with the regulars over a cup of coffee, and it certainly wasn’t rare for Daichi to be seen at odd hours of the night time, sipping either a chilled cafe latte or a steaming cup of cappuccino. There were never any empty plates with small crumbs or half eaten pastries next to the raven either, which was why, when Daichi ordered a cup of cappuccino and a slice of tiramisu, Ukai staggered back dramatically.

“What did you just say?” He gaped, and Daichi blinked uninterestedly. He realized the strangeness behind his order, but at this point of time, he really needed a pick me up. Which included a bittersweet pastry like tiramisu; the mellow mascarpone cheese accented the slight bitterness of the coffee cake, and a dusting of chocolate powder always sweetened the taste a bit. Tiramisu was his favorite. Tiramisu reminded him of his life, sappy as it was.

“I want the usual; hot. And a slice of tiramisu.” Ukai blinked, before letting loose a booming chortle. Daichi remained unamused.

“So you’re finally living a little, huh, kiddo.”

“I’m not that young anymore.” Daichi solemnly stated, because he wished he was still the naive young boy with big dreams and bigger aspirations. Back before the harsh swipes of reality burst his ignorant bubble and loudly yelped, “The American dream is dead!” with as much grace as a drunkard. Ukai nodded along, and the smile lines on his face seemed all the more prominent in the clean light from the antique lamps surrounding the booths.The dirty blonde coloring his tips were fading away with the sands of time, a single strand of silver standing out amongst the golden and black as well, and Daichi suddenly realized how fast time passed by. Ukai was becoming more and more like the spitting image of his grandfather, and sooner or later, the 38 year old man would be Ukai Ikkei’s twin.

“Still years younger than me, Sawamura. You’re a kid compared to an old geezer like me.” Ukai wistfully said, teasingly ruffling midnight locks after a second of thought. Daichi merely shrugged, neither denying or agreeing with the statement. Sensing the temperamental impatience radiating off of the younger male in dark waves, Ukai quickly excused himself to start with the order. Daichi stared straight ahead from the bar seat he was on, staring at the coffee machines and homey design of pretty teacups and platters lining the shelves. Even when Ukai set down his order along with three fresh chocolate biscottis, Daichi’s eyes were locked on the light gleam across the dust free cups.

It wasn’t until the distinct sound of a stick hitting lightly against the ground, and a shuffling of a seat next to him rang in his ear, that he finally snapped out of his dark stupor. He drank his cooling cup of energy and numbly picked at the tiramisu. The raven ignored the other patron sitting directly next to him (out of all the seats they could have picked), and gulped down coffee and more coffee.

“Oh, if it isn’t Sugawara!” Ukai’s loud voice thundered, overlapping the quiet jazz music playing in the background. Takeda, who was carefully cleaning a coffee cup with a snow white towel, smiled warmly at “Sugawara”. The glasses clad raven placed the shining cup next to the row of similar looking cups; he turned back around and leaned on top of the bar table with twinkling eyes. Daichi ignored the gentle chatter of Takeda with this mysterious person, who hadn’t spoken once yet and instead, interjected with quiet hums of his throat.

“--that man. So, how have you been, Sugawara?” Takeda asked as he shooed his blonde boyfriend off to take care of other customers (which was only about a few other people in the middle of the night). Daichi’s interest was peaked. He was curious about this person, who was apparently familiar with Takeda, and held a Japanese name just like he and the owners of the cafe did. There weren’t as many Japanese people in Colorado as Daichi would prefer, but he adapted quickly to American culture.

“Pretty good.” Daichi’s fork stilled. The lilting voice continued, unaware of the beauty and power they held, especially over the raven. “I’m still looking for a job, unfortunately. But, you know how it is.” Sugawara chuckled. Takeda nodded sagely, a grim gleam in his eyes no longer matching with his friendly grin.

“I bet.” The older raven straightened up and shot the other an encouraging, toothy smile. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find one sooner or later. You’re so talented in what you do, after all.”

“Oh, Takeda, you warm my cold heart.” The two shared a laugh, and Daichi quickly snuck a peek at the other when the raven turned away to grab some silverware to shine. His eyes widened. It wasn’t because of the unnatural silver hair Sugawara seemed to have, nor the cute eye mole directly under his milky, blue gray eyes. It was just the aura around him was too much for Daichi, and paired with a lingering scent of hazelnut and ginger cookies, he could easily relax in the other’s presence, like they’d known each other for years (Sugawara reminded him too much of his mother and her erratic baking back in the day). The way the man presented himself was a bit astonishing to the raven: shoulders back and relaxed, yet poised elegantly, head tall and staring straight ahead, coupled with the serious, but warm expression on his face, intrigued Daichi. The man looked no younger than Daichi did, yet his presence was larger, more mature than most people their age.

As if detecting Daichi’s stare, the silver haired male swiveled his head over to the raven, stormy orbs locking onto dark forest wood ones. A soft smile etched onto Sugawara’s face, and Daichi forgot to breath for a moment. The other male’s beaming face was openly honest, a hint of careful caution that merely looked like timidity to anyone else but the raven. He could always be able to read people very well. They engaged into a staring contest before Sugawara turned back to his own cup of hot chocolate (with a sprinkle of cinnamon, Daichi had overheard) and wrapped thin fingers around the cup.

“I’m afraid I didn’t notice you before.” Sugawara sighed out autumn mist that bit at their noses from outside of the cafe. Daichi inhaled slowly, though he quickly realized it was a mistake. The fragrance of ginger snaps grew stronger in his nose, and the raven briefly wondered if that was what his stoned roommate felt like when breathing in addicting chemicals.

“My eyesight has been getting worse, as of late.” The pale man continued, a tiny curve of his mouth hinting at his silent amusement. Daichi felt the pieces of his curiosity connect into a bigger picture, and he made a noise of understanding.

“It’s okay.” He lamely stated, for lack of better words to say. Sugawara hummed, thumbing at the smooth glass under his fingertips. Daichi’s eyes followed the movement as nimble fingers formed into a handshake and presented themselves in front of him.

“My name is Sugawara Koushi. Though I’m sure you heard Ukai yell my name. Nice to meet you.” Daichi gingerly took the offered hand and shook the hand up and down. When they released, a miniscule frown etched its way between Sugawara’s eyebrows. The raven didn’t like that look on the other’s face.

“Sawamura Daichi. Nice to meet you too.” The taller male’s hand tingled with overwhelming warmth. It complemented the beating in his heart.

“I’m assuming you’re a regular?” Sugawara started up a conversation as Daichi nodded. He internally slapped himself upside the head as his voice shakily reached the perfumed air.

“Yes. How’d you know?”

“Typically only regulars sit near the bar. That, or outgoing people who can match Ukai’s volume.” The silver haired male explained easily before trailing his hand over the bar to find his cup. When he did locate the beverage, he tilted his head back and slowly drank down the sweet liquid. Daichi kept watching; no matter how many times he attempted to glance away, find something more interesting, his eyes would wander back to Sugawara’s warmth. It was unusual for people to be so warm, cold weather or not.

“I see.” Daichi offered, but couldn’t quite continue the conversation, as much as he wanted his curiosity to be sated. Sugawara sighed heavily, slumping down on the bar, and even with the less elegant action, he still appeared breathtakingly charming.

“Do you ever wish your dreams could come true?” The blind male suddenly asked after a brief moment of silence. Daichi shrugged, mainly to himself, and set down his empty cup of cappuccino. _All the time,_ he bitterly thought, acid bubbling up in his throat.

“Yeah.” He says instead, because an innocent stranger like Sugawara shouldn’t have to hear about his burden or share a sympathetic smile as Daichi bitterly spilled out his sad life story and raged on about the many inequalities in society (and in this case, America). Sugawara nurses the warm cup between his clasped hands that look a little too much like he’s praying and nothing like the innocence of keeping warmth in his palms. The raven shares the same sentiment.

“Or like, you wish you could do something with your life instead of sitting around, waiting for a perfect opportunity to come around while you’re stuck in a terrible predicament.” Daichi nods along to the words, a small downturn of his lips blooming across his face. The silver haired male sighs forlornly.

“Sometimes, I say to myself, ‘you could be worse off, you could be a homeless person with no means to contact my family or no will to either’. But, that kind of thinking will honestly isolate you further. You can’t just say people have it worse or you’ll never come in terms with your problems.”

“Yeah. I understand.”

“And then, all the other times, you’re just sitting around, pitying yourself.” That hit a little too close to home for Daichi’s comfort, but he didn’t make a move to say anything as the other male continued to ramble. “And I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be like other blind people who sit around collecting SSI and basing their lives around that money the government provides to us.” Sugawara huffs, gulping down the last of his hot chocolate and allowing the cup to clatter lightly against the dish under it.

“Ye--I mean, that’s interesting.” The raven wrinkles his nose at his words. Regret boiled in his stomach, but the words were already out. He desperately backtracked. “I mean, I don’t understand really, because I’m sighted and not disabled whatsoever, but yeah. I can see why you would be upset.” He finishes, hoping the other wouldn’t be in any way offended. The silver haired male just shrugged.

“I don’t expect you to understand completely. I’m not some kid who needs coddling and protecting either. I just want to be normal.” That much, Daichi can understand. Being basically stranded in a western society who didn’t understand what it was like to be Asian, to be Japanese, and only focusing on the “good” aspects of Japan, thus worshipping it, honestly bugged the hell out of the raven. He loved his country, he really did. But hearing other people throwing around his country in a way they see fit, and fetishizing his culture led him to levels of discomfort and displeasure he never expected he could have. He was either seen in a good light, or a bad one, depending on the person. All of this and more caused Daichi to often feel isolated, different from what society deemed to be “normal”.

“I feel the same way.” The raven shut down the urge to yell out all his frustrations to his companion, and instead, suppressed them through his clenched fists. Sugawara heaved out a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know you that well, and I’m just complaining to you.”

“Oh, no, no! Don’t worry about it. I’ve had rough days too.” _For most of my life._ “I understand how you would want to vent your feelings out.” _And it’s refreshing for someone to be on the same page as me._

Sugawara grinned wryly. “You’re a good listener.” Daichi blushed at the words and smile directed at him, turning his eyes away from the beam seemingly melting down his walls with little to no effort. They shared a comfortable silence before Sugawara ducked down under the table to reach for his cane. Once the foldable cane was unfolded and locked into place, the silver haired male abruptly stood up, placing a few crumpled dollar bills on the table. They were folded oddly, and Daichi created a mental note to get the person’s number before he left.

“Well, thanks for listening. But, I have a job interview tomorrow that I don’t want to miss, and I won’t be able to wake up if I stay any longer.” Sugawara grinned in the direction of Daichi’s head. Before he could exit the coffee shop and leave the raven forever, the taller male stood up to his full height as well and grasped onto Sugawara’s sweater sleeve.

“Wait!” The other male blinked as Daichi hurriedly grabbed a random receipt from his jeans pocket and scribbled down a number. “Take this!”

“I’m assuming there’s something written on the paper, and that you’re not trying to make me throw your trash away.” Sugawara stifled laughter behind his thin fingers. Daichi instantly reddened, realizing his mistake.

“N-no! Sorry, I completely forgot and I should have thought this out more. Maybe have someone read it to you? Or maybe you can give me your number? Wait, no, you probably don’t know how to write? But I shouldn’t assume, so--”

“Daichi.” The raven immediately stilled at the call of his name. The way Sugawara curled his name against his tongue caused Daichi to break out in goosebumps. The silver haired male smiled kindly. “I can give you my phone number. You can type it in your phone or write it down.”

“Y-yes! That would be great!” He stewed in his embarrassment as he shakily pulled out his phone, Sugawara waiting for him patiently. When he finally set up a new contact, Daichi grunted, “I’m ready when you are.” Sugawara slowly recited his phone number, the raven typing in as fast as he could and repeating them after the other male was done. The blind man nodded in confirmation and Daichi thanked him wholeheartedly.

When Sugawara actually departed from him, Daichi sat back down, a dazed glint in his eyes. Ukai bounded over to him when the other male was gone, slinging an arm around Daichi’s shoulders with a full blown smirk on his face. The raven couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“Big boy’s finally growing up, huh, Sawamura?” Ukai teased, expecting a biting retort from the easily angered male. Instead, he received a blank stare from Daichi, as if he couldn’t believe he just scored a number with a cute male. The older man exchanged a fond look over his shoulder with his partner, Takeda smiling softly as he cleared away Sugawara’s and Daichi’s dishes.

It wasn’t until Daichi exited the shop at four am, almost five, that he registered the pain in his cheeks from smiling. And he didn’t know when he went back home, or when he finally fell back against the bed, the picture of Sugawara grinning and nodding along in their small conversation embedded in his brain. All he knew was that he was very _very_ interested in Sugawara Koushi.

****  
  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

****  
  


**September 12 9:03 AM**

**Is this Sugawara?**

 

**Yes. I’m assuming your daichi?**

**Yup. Are you free this Saturday at 8 am?**

**Why, Daichi. Are y. as king me out?**

**Maybe :P So are you free?**

**Yes :D. Text me the directions when you can.**

**O.K. I will. Got to go.**

 

**Cool. See you soon! : )**

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

****  
  


Daichi trembled lightly in his seat in the booth. He read over the same page of the breakfast menu over and over again, his eyes barely comprehending the words from the turmoil in his mind. He jiggled his foot while checking the time on his phone (and for any new messages) for the twentieth time since he sat down. He glanced around the diner just in case Sugawara sat next to someone else instead of him, just in case. The raven groaned. He knew the blind male wasn’t helpless or well, dumb, but he couldn’t help but allow his mind to wander to weird scenarios, sometimes even dangerous.

His anxiety stopped short when a waitress appeared next to him, a bubbly smiling Sugawara walking behind her with his trusty white cane. Daichi immediately stood up to welcome his friend, but the silver haired male seemed to sense his intentions and vehemently shooed him back down to his seat. Daichi obliged, though his worried eyes were watching Sugawara like a hawk. When the waitress left with a strained smile, telling them that their server would be with them shortly beforehand, the raven smiled nervously at his date (if he could say it without stuttering).

“Good morning, Daichi! How are you?” The raven licked his chapped lips, yearning for a glass of cold water and shabby scorching coffee, really anything to erase his obvious anxiety. He tried a smile, feeling conscious even though the other male couldn’t exactly see him.

“Good morning, Suga. I’m good. How about you?” He managed to say, pushing down his heart from jumping out of his chest. The silver haired male hummed, the menu in front of him untouched as he scrolled through his phone.

“I’ve had better days. And I’m a little tired.” Just when Daichi thought his heart would stop attempting to drive its way out of his ribcage, he began to sweat nervously again. _I shouldn’t have invited him to breakfast. He’s obviously tired and I had insomnia again last night. I should have asked him out for dinner. Oh my god, what if he’s actually putting on a smile because he’s just that nice? What if he actually hates American breakfast? What if he’s allergic to something? What if--_

“--which is why I’m so tired. Daichi? Are you okay?”

“Crystal.” Sugawara rose a brow and stopped scanning through his menu choices pulled up on his phone. He placed his phone on top of the table and bit at his lip. Dark mocha eyes tracked every movement from the other male, and he loudly gulped.

“You’re breathing pretty hard, Daichi. Is everything okay?” The raven bobbed his head up and down quickly, but wanted to smack himself upside the head for forgetting that Sugawara wasn’t able to see his actions.

“Y-yeah. Just a little nervous, honestly.” Sugawara smiled knowingly, and leaned back on the booth.

“I understand. I’m a little nervous too, to be honest.” Before Daichi could shout out a “really?” and possibly be kicked out of the restaurant, a ebony haired male with the most chronic “bitch face” Daichi has ever had the pleasure to see strolled up next to their table and monotonously asked what kind of drinks they would like.

“Coffee.” The raven responded. Sugawara hummed in thought before turning to the basic vicinity of the waiter’s body and smiled.

“Just water is fine with me, thanks.” The waiter robotically nodded, jotting down their orders before asking if they were ready to order now or if they were still deciding. Daichi shot a quick glance at the supposedly angry at the world waiter’s name tag. Tobio. Interesting.

“We’d like to order now, if that’s fine.” Sugawara directed his sentence at both males, and Daichi voiced his agreement. “A Denver omelette, please. And white toast.”

“An ultimate skillet with no potatoes, if you would. Eggs over easy and wheat toast. Thanks.” Tobio shook his head up and down as he wrote down their orders and picked up their menus. He walked away, leaving a silent table with a small scowl on his face. As their waiter left to go towards the kitchen, the taller male gulped loudly, trying desperately to calm his harshly beating heart.

“So how are you?” He attempted to start up a conversation with the blind male, who still continued to scroll through his phone, an incredibly fast paced female voice speaking to the silver haired male. Sugawara lifted his head, a small smile on his face as he finally set down his phone and turned it off, a loud click resonating around the seemingly empty booth. Daichi imagined the sound as a signal towards his possible (very possible) future death inducing embarrassment. He was just lucky he didn’t listen to Bokuto or Kuroo when they suggested cheesy pick up lines and crude dirty jokes. Sugawara was too pure for this world, too good to be tainted by nasty humor via the worst advice givers yet.

“I’ve been okay.” Sugawara sighed immediately afterwards, a grimace on his pretty features. “Honestly though, I wish people weren’t such assholes.” Daichi blinked at the blunt crass wording of his companion. It was honestly baffling, hearing such interesting vocabulary coming from literally the purest thing since holy water. Or maybe he was just holding Sugawara on an unreachable pedestal, far from the ground where normal human beings like Daichi was situated. But, Sugawara was still a normal being, if not just blind.

“Well, you’re not wrong.” He settled on the safest thing to say, and that seemed to spark something in Sugawara, his lithe body shooting up from its slumped position. If Daichi wasn’t so nervous, he would have thought the open actions of the blind man were endearing.

“Is it so hard for people not be fucknuggets? Is it really hard not to look at yourself and think ‘oh well I shouldn’t be such an asshole today’ like?” Sugawara rhetorically questioned heatedly, a permanent scrunch of his eyebrows accenting the slight anger in his tone. The raven could relate though. If Sugawara wasn’t the one raging, Daichi sure as hell would be in his stead. Though the “fucknuggets” bit really solidified the fact that Sugawara Koushi was fucking _adorable._

“Don’t even get me started on my previous boss. I thought we were cool, we were friends, okay? But, _no._ He had to look down upon me because I’m _blind_ and think it’s okay to cheat me and any other “helpless” blind person he comes across just like this damn program! He was such a dickwad! One time, I offered to help my coworker, my _friend,_ for _free_ because there aren’t a lot of people that work there and it was a busy day. And I was off that day, but I felt so bad for them because my friend was stuck with the laziest employees known to America. I go there, okay, and my boss _yells_ at me for going, because he doesn’t want to pay me.” The silver haired male, who was just leaning across the table as if to physically reach Daichi’s ears, leaned back into the booth with his arms crossed. Daichi grunted at different times of the story, a bit confused and interested at the story. He didn’t know much about disabilities, much less blindness. It was interesting, to say the least, to listen and almost experience “being blind”.

“I offered to work for _free_ because I’m not a money hungry douchebag like he is. I even cried during my break in the bathroom. I was just so upset and I thought we were friends since we trained in the same program and I thought we could stick together. I was wrong though.” Sugawara huffed out. During his rant, the constipated waiter handed them their drinks, a small quirk of his eyebrow the only sign of his small interest. Daichi just shrugged weakly at the other male, who in turn nodded wisely before helping with another customer.

“That sucks. I’m sorry that happened to you. It sounds like this program is really rough.” The raven blew on his black coffee and delicately sipped at the hot liquid. It was just as watered down as this country was.

“It really is.” Sugawara nodded sagely. “I was honestly excited when I first joined the program because they promised I would be able to run my own business, and in this kind of ableist society, it’s so hard for someone like _me,_  disabled since I was born, to actually run a successful business. And this is for food service, which is honestly even harder since people don’t believe us blind people can do anything and that we’ll accidentally saw off our own arms.”

“That’s dumb.”

“I know. It’s so unfair.” A deep exhale. “I just wish I could have more opportunities, you know? After I was laid off by my last boss, I decided I didn’t want anything else to do with the program. They were cheating oblivious, hopeful blind people like me for money from the government. And I invested so much time into this stupid program, trying to prove a point to them that I could actually do something. In the end though, reality slapped me awake.”

“You can say that again.” Daichi easily agreed.

“But now it’s so hard for me to find a job. There’s not exactly a lot of job offers that are looking exactly for blind people to work at. I’m applying to all the food service places I possibly can on craigslist and other places, but it’s really hard to find a job. I was thinking about going into massage therapy at one point, but that idea is still undecided.”

“You could make a lot of money.” Daichi added his input, stirring his coffee with a spoon with lack of anything better to do. Sugawara’s frown loosened, and like the cliche metaphor of the sun rising after the storm, a dazzling bright smile greeted Daichi’s sight. It was like summer hit him all over again.

“Yeah.” The blind man snapped out of his thoughtful state with a frantic voice. “I’m sorry, I just unloaded a lot of my problems on you unexpectedly and wow. You really are easy to talk to.” Another huge grin solely for Daichi caused him to nearly suffer a heart attack. And possibly tinted his cheeks pink. Just a little.

“Thanks.” Sugawara hummed after his response, sipping through his straw from his water. He clasped his hands on top of the table with an almost nostalgic upturn of light pink lips.

“Since I basically told you my life story, what about you? Do you have any problems?” He waved his pale hands in a fast paced gesture. “Oh, but you don’t have to tell me about any of them if you don’t want to. I understand if you want personal space, so please don’t feel pressured!” Daichi chuckled lightly, unconsciously taking a sugar pack and tearing the packet open before dumping the contents into his dark coffee. It’s just, he was suddenly craving something almost as sweet as the male sitting across from him with a sugary smile on his face.

“I’m fine with telling you more about myself, but it’s not as interesting as your life I’m sure.” He shot a crooked smile at Sugawara, hoping the tiny happiness behind it would reach the other male. The silver haired male nodded eagerly.

“Well, I guess I should start with when I first moved here in Colorado.” Daichi stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I was about twenty two when I decided to move to America. I originally wanted to move to California, preferably Los Angeles, but the rent in California is awfully high just for a one bedroom apartment.”

“Yeah. Apparently Colorado’s rent is increasing rapidly enough to match California’s.” Sugawara piped up. Daichi continued to stir his coffee, even as the sugar long dissipated into the bitter liquid.

“I know, it’s really bad. Anyway, it was here that I first faced blatant racism directly in my face (he ignored Sugawara’s exclamation of “oh my!”). And it didn’t stop there. Colorado has some pretty great people, honestly. But, I’ve met some pretty terrible people as well, especially back when my English was pretty bad and my Japanese accent was worse. I’ve either met racists or people with terrible yellow fever.”

“Gross.” Sugawara wrinkled his nose and Daichi laughed.

“Right? Well, I wanted more job opportunities, which is the main reason why I came to America in the first place. I major in Sports Nutrition mainly, and thought it was a good idea to move to America, live on my own and experience the real world, you know? I just…” Daichi stared down at the galaxy in his coffee, swirling with the color of the night sky. “I just thought it would be a little more accepting than Japan, I guess.”

“...Daichi? Did you feel like an outcast in Japan?” The raven bitterly chortled.

“Always.” He replied, a sigh escaping from his own lips.

“Can I ask why?” Sugawara pressed on, milky orbs staring straight through Daichi’s soul.

“It’s fine. I’m sure you figured this out by now, but I’m not exactly straight. I’m pansexual and panromantic.”

“I figured as much.” Sugawara shrugged. “I’m demisexual if you wanted to know, so I can understand.”

“That’s cool. Well, I have pretty bad insomnia and depression. When I was younger, I had pretty bad temperamental issues too. I went to anger management classes and everything so I’m mostly cured. But, because of my “special needs”, my dad never really liked me. I’m an only child by the way.” He clarified, turning to thank the waiter as Tobio placed hot plates of breakfast in front of them. Sugawara copied his actions, a bright smile on his face. Tobio turned away, but not without red dusting on his cheeks. Daichi ignored the sour taste in his mouth. He scooped up pieces of ham and green peppers with his egg, shoveling the food into his mouth as he chewed slowly. After swallowing, he continued.

“So, my dad and I got into a lot of arguments, and most of them involved me being too much of a pansy, so. My mom was really the only supporting anchor, though she still had her moments when she partially agreed with my dad as well. Long story short, I felt like a total stranger amongst these happy, oblivious teenagers that didn’t really know what it was like to have a mental illness. My insomnia developed from school, and no one actually talks about mental illnesses. It’s almost frowned upon, for men especially, to have feelings. So I didn’t really have many friends until I moved to Colorado. There’s a really small Japanese community here, in downtown, but it was enough to make me less homesick.”

“That’s good. I know a little bit about the community, but I don’t live in downtown so I don’t have many Japanese friends. It’s just Ukai, Takeda, Asahi, and you.” Sugawara beamed, counting off the people on his fingers. He cut at his own omelette in a little messy way, but cute all the same.

“Yeah, me too. I know basically every Japanese person in downtown, but even then, it’s not exactly a lot. Well, that’s my life story. Not exactly exciting or happy.” Daichi gulped down the rest of his cup of coffee before refilling his cup with the pitcher next to his left. Sugawara reached around for his plate of toast, and once he found it, he bit into the buttery piece of bread.

“I’m sure you’ve had exciting moments in your life.” The taller male snorted.

“Yeah, my 6th birthday was oodles of fun. Got stung by a bee and everything.” He acknowledged how lame his life was. Daichi was pretty quiet back in his teenage years, and even now, he didn’t have much to say unless provoked.

“Hey, sometimes a normal life is better than the boundless excitement a celebrity has. I’m definitely happy to be out of the spotlight.” Sugawara scrunched up his nose like he smelled something terrible. “And if I was in the spotlight, I would probably only be known as some sap story, something ableist people manipulate to either make themselves feel better about themselves or to pity the disabled.”

“Society is pretty bad.”

“Definitely. It’s really frustrating when people decide when I’m blind and when I’m not.” Daichi furrowed his eyebrows in thought. He munched on his last piece of toast, surveying Sugawara’s silverish blue eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“People say I’m “pretty independent for a blind person”, and it bugs me sometimes. I’m still a person, an adult. And responsible adults should strive to be independent and try not to mooch off of other people. It’s like all they hear me say is, “I’m blind, I’m hopeless blah blah blah”. When I want to be independent and do something on my own, I’m told that I can’t, and that I shouldn’t attempt to do all these things because “I’m blind”. Oh, but when I don’t do something they agree with or that they don’t want me to do, they say “well, aren’t you able to do this? You’re always saying you’re independent and able to do everything a sighted person can do, so why can’t you do this?”, and it’s stupid. People are stupid.” Sugawara fumed around a bite of hashbrowns. His crunching of the crispy potato crisps shouldn’t have been that cute to Daichi; he swore.

“Tell me about it.” The raven set down his utensils on the empty plate the same time Sugawara placed his iced water back onto the table. They were both finished, and the raven inwardly pat himself on the back for not messing up anything on this outing. With a friend. Just a friend (though Daichi wished it was something more). Other than friendly banter over the bill, in which they both decided to go Dutch, Daichi decided it was a pretty good date. With his companion.

“Thanks again for inviting me to eat breakfast, Daichi.” Sugawara smiled as they stood outside of the diner, the silver haired male back to looking through his phone. Apparently he rode a cab like service called “Uber”, and the person was about five minutes away from the restaurant. Daichi stayed with his friend, a goofy smile on his face as Sugawara easily filled in the silence with entertaining stories.

“I meant to ask you earlier, but I forgot when we were eating.” The pale man turned his head slightly to stare perfectly at Daichi. He waited in anticipation. “Did you play any sports? I mean, you said you were majoring in Sports Nutrition so.”

“Oh. Volleyball.”

“Volleyball?” The spark in Sugawara’s eyes refused to fade away with his sight. They twinkled in the milky abyss of the sea colors, and Daichi did always love the sea.

“I was the captain.” He wasn’t trying to brag. Mostly.

“Wow. That’s really cool!” Sugawara gasped. Daichi felt warmth spread down to his toes, and he smiled proudly.

“Yup. Captain for two years in high school!”

“I actually play volleyball whenever I have time.” The raven’s eyebrows rose. It sounded too good to be true, what with their similar passion towards the sport.

“That’s… That’s amazing.” He admitted honestly, though he was mainly talking about Sugawara Koushi as a whole. The beam shot back at him flushed his cheeks, another roll of heat washing over his body. The taller male smelled the autumn air, which mingled in with Sugawara’s ginger scent, a spicy combination that burned from his nose down to his chest. Watching the silver haired male chat animatedly about the games he played in volleyball, mixed with the adrenaline rushing through his veins from the bittersweet coffee he downed, Daichi felt affection rise from his heart and choke his lungs. His lungs were sprouting spring leaves, despite the chilly weather from the fall wind.

“I think my ride is here.” Sugawara announced, just as a white Honda civic rolled in next to the curb. A burly man exited from the car, a warm grin on his face as he walked over to the two of them. He greeted the duo heartily, opening the car door for Sugawara like a true gentleman.

“I’ll see you again?” Daichi winced at his sentence sounding more like a question instead of the determined answer he wanted to utter instead. Sugawara smiled at him, already seated in the car and winding up his cane. The other male walked back to the other side of the car, the door slamming a ringing sound across the nearly empty parking lot.

“Definitely. Thanks again, Daichi. I had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, me too. Text me.”

“You too, dude.” Sugawara tacked on the last part with a joking grin. Daichi smiled.

“Yeah. Bro.” The silver haired male laughed. He shut the door after another goodbye, and the car drove off, a bit of dust kicking up from the ground and losing itself in the air. He crinkled his nose, a smile already formed on his mouth as the lingering scent of ginger and the ghost of the warmth to his side blanketed his still body. The raven only moved again when the spell he was under released its iron tight grip on him, and the enticing spices filtered out of his nose.

He robotically strolled to his own car, a rusty old Toyota which was just about as sad as Daichi’s life. As he started up the ignition with a jingling ring of keys, Daichi turned on the radio. “Budapest” played on the speakers, Daichi drumming his fingers as he just sat in his car, taking in the past hour with a large grin on his face. He snapped out of his dreamlike trance when his phone buzzed against his worn out jeans.

 _Next time, maybe we could go on an actual date?_ Daichi smiled. He drove out of the parking lot, a million thoughts in his mind, but a song on his lips. The raven laughed.

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“Of all the places you take me out on a date, you choose Olive Garden?” The raven rolled his eyes as Sugawara “eyed” a warm breadstick in his hand, pointing it in the direction of Daichi with a mock disappointed sigh.

“They have good breadsticks.” Daichi defended himself, biting on said heavenly breadstick and relishing in the garlic taste and soft, yet crisp texture of the breadstick. Sugawara sniffed the breadstick in his hand before biting off a chunk. He hummed, a soft noise of comprehension forming in the back of his throat.

“Not bad.” Daichi wore a cheesy grin as he bit into another garlic breadstick. Victory tasted a lot like garlic.

That is, until Sugawara announced the next day that he got sick from eating at the place. But as much as Daichi wanted to be upset and guilty, he felt a lot more (fondly) exasperated and completely done with his crush (who turned out to be a bigger drama queen than he expected).

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“I can’t believe you’re allowed to just cut in line.” Daichi whistled as he traced his eyesight to the back of the line they were currently in. Sugawara shrugged, an impish smile decorating his petit face. The raven slipped a small smirk before turning back to the front of the line, where they were waiting for the ride to stop for their turn. Daichi ignored the jealous stares shot at him and his date, and instead, relished in the cool fall breeze soothing his blazing cheeks. Sugawara’s hand entwined with his, and they remained in their own little world, oblivious to the reality of their situation.

And even when they were riding on a the so called “fastest” roller coaster in the park, their joined hands never separated. Daichi liked to pretend their bond was proven through the link between warm, almost sweaty, hands. He swore his heart was beating a million miles an hour because of the high height of the ride, and the speed in which he was flung back against the hard seat, Sugawara’s hand tightening against his, and not because of the tugging of his heart at the loud squeals erupting from his date, eyes shut in glee and excitement as the wind whipped back silver hair. Daichi was no romantic, but he knew that in that moment, nothing was as exciting as watching his crush yelp and laugh in joy.

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They met again, solely coincidental, at the same place they first saw each other. Ukai held the biggest shit eating grin known to mankind, and Daichi instantly regretted going to the cafe that day. Even Takeda, the usually sane and collected person he was, beamed a knowing smile at the raven, and he knew they were on to him. Sugawara sat in the same seat he was in when they first  met each other, and Ukai, the menace, loudly announced Daichi’s arrival. He then proceeded to usher Daichi to the seat smack next to an amused blind man, the same hot chocolate cradled gently in his palms.

“Uh, hi.” The taller male sheepishly scratched his jaw line before glaring daggers at a guffawing blonde, who had no qualms in openly expressing his thoughts about Daichi and Sugawara (a lot which involved marriage and adopted kids and by gods did he need to shut up). Takeda secretly smiled, slipping the blond a twenty dollar bill, which didn’t escape the raven’s notice. He glared at them harder in hopes of eliminating their annoying presence.

“Hey, Daichi. How have you been?” The silver haired male smiled in the direction of the taller male, who eagerly soaked in the sunny upturn of lips. He ignored the owner’s snickering.

“I’m great, thanks. How about you?” Was it Daichi’s imagination or did Sugawara just flinch?

“Pretty good.” It was a lie. Daichi spent enough time and dates in order to fully understand the enigma of Sugawara Koushi. Pain seared through his bones at the thought of his best friend (and huge crush) possibly hiding something from him. Something that seemed to gnaw away at Sugawara’s built walls.

“That’s good, that’s good.” The raven said instead. He restrained the urge to tackle the other in a hug, a warm embrace smelling like ginger and hazelnut and just home. He swallowed down the itch and quickly ordered his usual hot drink, Takeda smiling warmly at them both. Though, the glasses wearing male’s eyes lingered on Sugawara a little more than necessary.

Silence stretched between the two. It was very unusual for the blind man not to begin socializing with him, and the uncomfortable feeling caused his fingers to twitch a few times before settling into a fist. It was like feeling dirty, and knowing you were dirty, but you didn’t have the will or the time to be able to cleanse yourself.

“So, how’s job hunting?” Daichi questioned casually, sipping on his drink when it was set down by the other black haired male. A tremble of his shoulders gave away the severity of the topic. Daichi bit at his lip, exchanging a concerned glance with Takeda.

“‘m sorry.” Sugawara mumbled, wiping away at his cup with anxious fingers. He shakily brought the porcelain cup to his lips, hurriedly gulping down the sweet concoction to heat up his frozen body. To make matters worse, his spasming fingers nearly slipped the coffee cup out of its hold and would have most likely soaked the shorter male in hot, hot liquid.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Daichi sucked in a deep breath, licking at his teeth as he debated on whether or not to place a solid hand on top of his friend’s shoulders. He opted not to, seeing as the other male was shaking pretty badly and a sudden unknown presence on his shoulder would spook the other. The dark brown eyed man hated how terrible he was at comforting people.

“Do you want to talk about it?” A shake of gray strands. They didn’t have the usual fall like smell, like Sugawara bathed himself in fall candles. No, his hair flopped on top of his head, a sad greasy mess which explained the deep, solemn emotions in the silver haired male’s aura. The usual confident, sunny, amicable man Sugawara was seemed to no longer live in his body. Daichi didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of the situation. The raven was no sun, no important person that lit up anyone else’s world like Sugawara was. Yet here he was, trying in vain to cheer up his friend.

“I just don’t feel well.” Sugawara continued. Daichi hummed, trying to imitate how Sugawara would act or say whenever the taller mae was in a shitty mood. So far, it didn’t look like it was working.

“I understand.” He maturely replied, body turned towards the other male. His dark chestnut eyes never left the other’s slumped form, especially when Sugawara abruptly faced Daichi, milky orbs blinking a few times to erase incoming tears. The raven could hear the radio static in the background, a female voice repeating, “I just want to be okay” with a cheery guitar strum playing while she sung. Ironically enough, the song reflected the moment between the duo; the upbeat sound of the instruments didn’t match the deep words of the woman.

“I just want to be okay.” Oh, the irony.

“Yeah. I know.” And he understood, he really did. Daichi refused to become a judgemental, harsh man like his father still was. He finally rest his hand on top of Sugawara’s shoulder, like how he would imagine his own father would have if his dad wasn’t such a hardass, and rubbed the place in a soothing manner.

“Hey, buddy.” He cringed at how fatherly he sounded, but pressed on anyway. “I know it’s really rough to find a job right now for you, I really do. I just want you to know that I’m proud of you. I’m amazed at how dedicated and hardworking you are and I think it’s awesome that no matter how many times you, uh, fail I guess, you still manage to pick yourself back up and keep trying. I look at you, and I realize, I wish I was more like you. I wish more people were like you.” He admitted. Sugawara froze at his words. Silence reigned upon the both of them and Daichi gulped. He didn’t want to suddenly confess and cause more worries for Sugawara, but the bottled up emotions in his chest were threatening to overflow.

“You’re so… Amazing.” He finished, eyes wandering down to the pristine floor and staying there. Depression really sucks. Insomnia really sucks. But because of those two things, he was able to find a wonderful, ethereal being to fall for. He was able to feel like he could take on the world for the first time in his life. He was able to _feel_ jovial.

A pleasant feeling lay on his hand, and Daichi snapped his head up to gaze into gray blue eyes. They swirled and curled around his eyes like clear marbles, shining brightly with unshed tears. A little smile blossomed on his face with cherry blossom petals painting on delicate, pale cheeks. Daichi realized how much he missed Japan in the instance. He realized how much he missed home. And he realized that Sugawara Koushi could possibly be his home.

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They escaped the smoky coffee shop, both in a delightful haze as they ran across the streets like excited children, like they were teenagers all over again and they swore vengeance on the cruel, unfair world. Daichi mainly led the way as they passed by small crowds who yelped with wide eyes; they hollered out more apologies in those few minutes than in their entire life. Sugawara and Daichi abandoned their fears and regrets through the mad sprint across town, across the empty lots of barely successful businesses with cramped dreams filling up small shop spaces.

They ran to the light rail, both inhaling deep breaths quickly. They rested underneath the sunset sky, the last round of geese flying south for the winter and filling the quiet atmosphere with their squawks. Daichi didn’t know he could feel so peaceful as he leaned against a platform with Sugawara panting on his right.

“That was reckless and fun.” The blind male commented breathlessly, laughter bubbling out of his throat. Daichi followed him and they laughed and laughed and laughed.

“God, I’m out of of shape.” The raven panted, giggles rumbling out of his chest as Sugawara copied his actions. They just stood there, leaning back against a platform next to a bench in front of the empty rails for the light rail, laughing away the pain and suffering they ever harbored in their hearts.

“I know right?” Sugawara coughed after his laughing fit, which caused more chortles to slip out of Daichi. They didn’t know why they were laughing or when they would stop, but the feeling of actually being free would never be shoved away from their minds. Luckily, there were only a few people around, some either reading a book or intently watching their phone screens and all distracted from the trainwreck named Sugawara Koushi and Daichi Sawamura.

“Do you want to go back to my place?” Daichi suddenly blurted out. He merely sheepishly grinned at his friend when the other blinked a few times. Multiple times. A mischievous glint in stormy blue eyes, Sugawara nodded, guffawing freely when the raven tugged him away from their little secluded corner by the platform before whisking them away to a rundown apartment with cheap costs and cheaper smells.

Daichi prayed that his roommate would not be smoking his sorrows away with legal “medicine”. He sighed a deep breath of relief when he approached his room, desperately searching for his keys in his worn out pockets. The lingering scent of weed still elegantly drifted through the dusty apartment, but at least Daichi’s pine candles were actually working for once. He unlocked the door and they stumbled inside, wearing beaming smiles and crease free foreheads without a care in the world.

“Welcome to mi casa.” The raven awkwardly said, slipping out of his dirty blue converse and throwing them in the havoc of other shoes in a pile. Sugawara delicately placed his shoes next to the tiny step near the door and Daichi left a pair of fuzzy slippers in front of his guest. As they both stepped further into the apartment, the raven carefully led the blind male into his room, which was the closest to the door with the bathroom across his room.

“This is a… Nice place.” Sugawara complimented casually, nimble hands skimming across the blank white walls and catching on the ridges and bumps. Daichi shivered; heat boiled down in the pit of his stomach and he quickly understood the effect Sugawara had on him was much stronger than he intended and originally thought. He dutifully imagined the beautiful man caressing his skin softly and gently like he was with the walls, milky orbs scanning across the expanse of exposed paint and reading the grooves with his fingers much like reading braille.

“Thanks.” The raven gulped, nervously yanking at his shirt collar as he opened the door to his secret haven. Fortunately for him, his room still smelled like fresh laundry and his rainy candles, unlike the drifting scent of smoky depression in the living room where his roommate stayed. He walked in first, attentively examining his crush’s reaction as the silver haired male shyly stepped in after Daichi.

Sugawara visibly softened up when Daichi told him to “relax and go ahead and sit down on my bed”. He bounced a few times on the mattress situated next to the window, an adorable smile lifting up his pink dusted cheeks. _If only days were like this,_ Daichi mused. His active imagination involved a loving smile from the silver haired man, the ocean in his eyes rising up and washing over Daichi as they lay in his bed without a single care in the world.

“So, what now?” Sugawara broke the silence between them as he crossed his legs in a polite way. Daichi didn’t expect less of the man. He shrugged, leaning back against the desk with his arms crossed.

“I have no idea.” He admitted. It was only in the daze of his mind that the recurring thought of Sugawara actually coming over to his house was plausible. And now that the actual person sat situated on his bed, fingers trailing over his sheets, Daichi briefly wondered if this was all a dream, an elaborate setup for his near doom. He snapped out of his reverie as Sugawara shifted before collapsing on top of his bed, a long drawn out sigh coming out of his parted lips.

“You ever wonder how big of an impact you have on the world?” Daichi stilled at the innocent question. He stood up to his full height and walked quietly over to his friend, whose unblinking eyes drilled holes in the white ceiling. The raven signalled his presence by loudly shuffling his feet before plopping down ungracefully next to the other man. After a few seconds of internal debate, he slowly lay down next to Sugawara.

“Yes, I do.” He quietly murmured. His body seemed to sag as he uttered those words, and he buried himself further into the duvet as if to hide himself from the horrors of the world.

“I always wondered if I could make a big impact on the world.”

“Don’t we all?” Daichi countered, eliciting a deep chuckle from his companion. Sugawara sniffled.

“Yeah. We do.” His words came out watery, the salt of his tears from his sea filled eyes draining his voice as well. Daichi didn’t comment on his apparent melancholy. “I just want to be able to do what everyone else does. I just want to be normal.” A momentary flashback reminded Daichi of their first conversation in a dimly lit coffee shop, the sounds of piano music adding to the solemn mood they were both shoved into. He remembered the deliberate way Sugawara cradled the scorching hot cup, almost like he wanted to melt away his problems in the sugary liquid of lies.

“Me too.” The raven didn’t know what else to say. He was afraid that any words out of his mouth would either further offend his friend or break him into a million pieces. Because Sugawara was no hero, no sap story, no random stranger he would merely sympathize with before going on his merry way. Sugawara was a normal person, with hopes and dreams and a bigger heart than most people he knew. It was unfortunate that no one could see past his disability.

And for the first time in his life, Daichi forgot his pity towards himself. He forgot the pain digging away at his heart and dismantling the architecture of his body. All he could think of was the man before him, a strong, noble man who wept silently for he couldn’t have the privileges of other, abled people. Life was unfair. Life was always unfair towards the oppressed.

“I’m envious of my brother.”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes, yeah. He has everything he could ever want and my parents don’t view him as a failure like they see me. They only think he’s lazy and that he’ll eventually find out the real world, even if it’s the hard way. He’s a problem that can be fixed. But me?” Sugawara sniffled and the sound drenched Daichi’s heart in cold water. “I’m a problem that can’t be fixed. The odd child who was destined to be a failure since I was born.”

“I’m sorry.” Daichi could only offer his small words of empathy. He understood the feeling of being a failure, he understood it more than his beloved volleyball. The silver haired male simply shrugged against the mattress underneath him.

“It’s not your fault.” Sugawara’s voice shook.

“I know.” Daichi quickly stated. “But you still don’t deserve to have to go through this, to have to feel this way.” The blind man laughed hollowly and the broken laughter struck Daichi to the core of his being. Sugawara wilted further, a sad acceptance towards the corrupt system of the world they lived in.

“I wish I could be sighted. Or at least, I wish people would take me seriously. I’m no longer a child nor do I have to be treated like one. I don’t always need help and I certainly do not need sympathy from people who only give it because they wish to make themselves feel better. I’m not going to break.” Daichi wanted to argue with that statement, seeing as his friend was on the brink of tearing apart. The glass of his heart was slowly be chipped away by the selfish people who took advantage of an amazing person like Sugawara.

“I want to be given the same privileges as my brother. I want to be treated the same, fair, as they treat everyone else. I don’t want to be seen as a burden.” Sugawara continued with a grim smile on his face. “Though, I guess in a way, I am a burden.” Daichi shut down the screaming in his head. Of the primal desire to wrap his arms around the smaller man and whisper comforting words into his crush’s ear to assure him that he wasn’t a burden, that his feelings were being driven to the edge by his depression. But alas, the raven was nothing but a coward.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. Daichi sincerely meant it. He hesitated, an arm reached out to pat the other male in a consoling manner and in a strictly platonic way. However, Sugawara beat him to it and rolled over to the taller male’s body. The silver haired man buried his head into Daichi’s chest, effectively muffling a sob that wracked his slender body. Daichi closed his eyes and embraced his crush with shaking arms. A silent teardrop slid down his cheek as Sugawara’s body shook in his hold.

Eventually, Sugawara unravelled from Daichi’s body as he looked up at the other man with shiny eyes. The corner of his eyes were puffy and red, an annoying aftermath of the previous state he just came out of. A few sniffles filtered from out of his nose, and Sugawara blinked a few times to erase the last of the waterworks. Daichi’s eyes honed in on a small drop clinging to the pale man’s eyelashes; he compared the tear to a dewdrop glistening underneath a drooping leaf. Sugawara reminded him too much of spring and himself as winter.

No words needed to be spoken. Sugawara pushed his body up, his face only a few inches away from Daichi’s as his eyelids fluttered to a half mast. Daichi watched, frozen as the tundra, as Sugawara’s face neared closer to his own. He could see every tiny angel kiss on his crush’s cheekbones and nose, every single freckle dotting the horizon of Sugawara’s skin. And before he knew it, Daichi’s eyes drooped as well, a feeling of content bliss erupting from deep within his heart when their lips touched fleetingly. Like the calm before a storm, they exchanged innocent pecks between closed mouths. The raven could practically feel himself melting against the other’s will.

He kissed away the pain in Sugawara’s eyes, mouth lingering over the beautiful translucent eyes that harnessed the brightness of the stars in faraway galaxies. Daichi honestly did love the silver haired man’s eyes, with the way they swirled with numerous emotions, but forever harbored the same kindness Daichi sought out the first day they began talking. Sugawara giggled breathlessly as the taller male planted more pecks all over the pale expanse of his face. When their mouths met once more, the spark of intensity rolled down Daichi’s spine as their kisses became more frantic, much more fast paced and passionate as they swallowed up each other’s interest in the other.

When they separated, both panting like they sprinted away from their fears, Daichi reopened his eyes and took in the pretty sight before him. Rose petals scattered across Sugawara’s normally pale face, highlighting the small brown freckles covering his face. The pink petal lips were parted to gasp in oxygen while the usual attentive and kind eyes were stuck at a half mast state. Daichi couldn’t help himself. He dove in for another few heart pattering kisses, each stronger and almost feral than the last. His emotions for the blind man was becoming too much for his small, cold heart to bear, and before he knew it, he was pecking lines and rows of kisses down Sugawara’s face and back to his lips.

“I think I’m in love with you.” He mumbled in the kiss pressed against the high cheekbone of his crush. Sugawara sharply gasped, and Daichi felt the hype in his blood halt. All at once, he stopped his insistent kisses and threw his head away from the other’s face. The spell he drowned under no longer held any effect over him as he sat up, untangling himself from Sugawara.

“Wait!” The blind man couldn’t sense the heat surrounding him and he quickly felt around the bed for Daichi. The raven scoot back until his back hit the wall, mortification written over his face as he dug his palms into the crevice between his eyes and eyebrows. Sugawara finally found him, and he carefully sat next to Daichi, eyebrows scrunched together.

“I’m sorry.” The raven suddenly blurted out before turning to face Sugawara. He felt his heart clench painfully, anxiously. The beating of his heart was focused only on his crush and whatever the other man had to say would either build or destroy Daichi.

He gulped, watching Sugawara extra closely. “I-I didn’t mean to suddenly tell you that.” He winced. “I was just caught in the moment and--”

“Did you mean it?” Sugawara quietly asked. He refused to face the other male, his silver bangs shielding his face from Daichi’s eyes. The raven bit his lip. He didn’t want his relationship to fall apart with Sugawara but he didn’t want to continue to dance around the other and swallow down the urge to kiss the other man silly. Daichi sucked in a deep breath.

“Yes. But you don’t have to answer back to my confession right away! I didn’t want to tell you because you already had so much pressure on your shoulders and you were so stressed about your jobs and, well your life in general, but--”

“Daichi.” He gulped at the serious tone.

“Y-yes?” Sugawara lifted his face, starry eyes shiny with ocean water. Daichi was about to fret again, but the solid hold on his shirt was enough to quiet him down. Silver and azule was suddenly everything he could see, everything he could feel. He breathed in the calming scent of ginger cookies and hazelnut and something so sweet and happy and kind that reminded him solely of Sugawara it physically hurt.

“Kiss me, Daichi.” And he did. The raven couldn’t stop himself even if he tried. Even when the last of his sane voice of reason yelled at him to at least stop and think about what he was about to do, he still pushed the thought away and instantly began to kiss his crush. All at once, the feeling of possible requited love and joy surged through his body at the speed of light. He was afraid to blink open his eyes, to realize in devastation that it was all a dream, always a dream, and that he would never be able to have his large love towards Sugawara reciprocated.

But, it was hot. It was hot and oh so satisfying and he immediately knew that this moment was not a dream. At least one of his dreams came true from his dingy apartment and in his depressing life. Nonetheless, he remained undeterred by the negative thoughts still circling inside his brain, and focused on the ethereal being whose cheeks he cradled in his hands lovingly. Sugawara was kissing back with all his might, and Daichi could practically taste the heat pooling in his stomach.

Eventually, Sugawara fell back on the bed with the taller male on top of them without losing the connection between their warm mouths. Daichi took one step forward and swiped his tongue on Sugawara’s bottom lip. The petal lips opened and the raven wasted no time in tasting the other. They simultaneously moaned. Hands pawed at each other’s particles of clothing, said clothing was hastily ripped off, one thing led to the next, and next thing Daichi could even remember before the ocean embraced him with open arms.

He allowed himself to fade into the darkness as the setting sun blanketed them in the black night.

****  
  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

****  
  


“It’s strange.” The street lights from outside Daichi’s window streamed in through the gaps of his blinds. He lay back with Sugawara in his arms, the silver haired male’s head cushioned against his neck and on top of his chest. Their legs tangled tightly, a mess of limbs that made Daichi feel like he was one with Sugawara.

“What is?” He was hyperaware of every breath, every sound, every movement from the blind man. The raven was too in tune with how the other acted, felt, saw. Sugawara merely hummed pleasantly, his fingers reading the bumps and ridges of Daichi’s naked chest. Daichi shivered, whether from the coldness of his room or Sugawara’s ministrations, he didn’t know.

“We’ve only known each other for about two months, yet…” He paused midway to yawn. The darkness enveloped over his form; Daichi could barely make out his new boyfriend’s body, the way the lithe, fragile structure vanished in the night. The only reassurance that Sugawara was still in the same realm they were was the constant heat pressed on top of him and at his side.

“Yet I feel like I’ve known you for years.” Sugawara finished his sentence. He had halted when he yawned, but he was back to drawing random squiggly lines into Daichi’s flesh. With how much influence the other male had over him, the blind man might as well have been carving his touch into the taller male’s body. Daichi sighed out his stress. He relished in the companionship of another, the almost alien feeling of having a living, breathing person sharing an intimate space with him. It had been forever ago when he lay in serene sheets with a lover next to him. It had been never when he actually felt absolute adoration and love towards another person.

“It’s hard for me to connect to people.” Daichi honestly stated. His voice was hushed, both of them were actually, for he wanted to preserve the peaceful atmosphere between them in the middle of the night. Insomnia was still an old friend sitting in his favorite armchair and showing up unannounced at the worst possible time. He blinked up at the black ceiling and listened to the even breathing from his lover.

“Really? I guess I can see why.” Sugawara mused. He shifted and Daichi could feel his arm again for a split second before the blind man’s weight was on it again. He didn’t mind though. Probably never would have minded if it was Sugawara.

“Do you believe in those fairytales? Of finding your soulmate and living “happily ever after”?” The pale man asked again. Daichi thought about it for a second.

“No.” Not until now. Sugawara nodded on his chest.

“Me too.” He moved again in order to smooch his boyfriend’s cheek. Daichi’s chest warmed. The raven pressed a gentle kiss on the crown of silver hair in return. The blind man giggled drowsily and his shaking shoulders brought a smile on the taller male’s face.

“I have a lot of baggage.” Daichi suddenly said. He knew he was saying this to finally face his fears, for Daichi to admit his problems to himself in order to work on himself. Sugawara nodded, his fingers grazing across a ticklish spot that caused Daichi to squirm.

“I do too. But, I’ve been working on myself.” Sugawara inhaled deeply, the sounds of his tongue licking at his chapped lips filling the silent air. “Do you think… Do you think we could help work on each other?” Daichi sucked in a breath. The words coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth seemed as surreal as Sugawara dating him. He was still half convinced this whole encounter was his active dreaming (though his pleased, worn out body said otherwise).

“Yeah.” He copied Sugawara’s actions and licked his lips twice. He could taste a bit of honey. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Me too.” Silence. Their chests were in sync as the quiet room lulled them both into a sleepy content state. Daichi stifled a yawn. He was surprised he didn’t feel as awake as before, when he was sure insomnia was laying in his bed and restricting him from sleep.

“What got you into food service?” He wondered aloud, breaking the sleepy trance over the two, mainly the blind man. Sugawara hummed in thought, a lighthearted, high sound unlike his other hums.

“My dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. My family is basically a bunch of “foodies”. We all know how to cook well and my father is an amazing patissier.” Daichi blinked in a stupefied silence. He wrinkled his nose at the weird word that sounded a lot like French or Italian, but he wasn’t sure.

“A what?”

“Oh, a baker basically. That’s just the French word for it.”

“Oh. That’s cool.” Sugawara sighed happily, most likely in nostalgia.

“Yeah. He’s technically my step dad though. My actual dad is somewhere in Japan. He kind of abandoned my mom when he found out she was pregnant with me.” Daichi’s problems were sounding more and more like a walk in the park compared to Sugawara’s. He pet his boyfriend’s hair lightly in an attempt to soothe the other. It somewhat worked.

The blind man sighed. “My childhood was pretty shitty, to be honest.”

“Same here. Though, your past sounds ten times worse than mine.”

“I guess. Just remember, that doesn’t make your problems any less valid than mine.” Sugawara sternly reminded. He poked at Daichi’s chest with as much elegance as scolding mothers did when they were lecturing their grown up sons. Daichi snorted at the imagery and opted to nuzzle Sugawara’s silky locks with his nose.

“I know, I know, mom.” He couldn’t resist the tease, and Sugawara huffed.

“Daichi! I’m serious!” Though Sugawara laughed.

“Hello serious, I’m Daichi.” The raven chortled when he was playfully pushed by the other male. Sugawara groaned, turning away from the taller male and scooting away from his body. Daichi instantly felt the cold seep through his bones and he chased after the retreating male, who was edging closer to the wall.

“Suga.” Daichi barked out more laughter before calming himself as he wrapped his whole body around the blind man’s body. Sugawara twitched, but gave no signs of responding. Daichi pressed closer to the other’s form, a small whine in his throat as he affectionately rubbed his cheek against the silver head.

“I’m sorry, Suga.” He sweetly apologized, even if he didn’t mean it (that joke was pretty good in his opinion).

“-shi.” Daichi frowned. He didn’t hear what his boyfriend said, so he placed his ear closer to where the other’s mouth would most likely be.

“Huh?” He inquired.

“I said, Koushi.” Daichi’s mind wrapped around the name and before he could stop it, a huge grin split his face. He smooched Sugawara on the back of his neck, which caused the shorter male to shiver from his sensitivity.

“I’m sorry, Koushi.” He drawled lowly in his lover’s ear. “Forgive me?” Sugawara hummed, which was deeper this time in mock musing, before turning his body back over and curling into Daichi’s chest like a spoiled kitten.

“Maybe.”

“What can I do for your forgiveness?” Daichi asked as he pulled Sugawara closer to him. The blind man mulled over the thought, and in the small moonlight casting light across his walls, Daichi’s adjusted eyes could make out the other’s cute face. Sugawara was stroking his chin with one hand while his eyebrows were scrunched together. His face suddenly lit up and his past thinking face morphed into a devious one. Another chill ran down Daichi’s spine.

“Well…” His arms were moving over Daichi’s neck and staying there, forcing the raven’s face to become closer to his lover’s as he hovered over his body. An almost frisky smile danced on his passion colored lips as Sugawara lowered Daichi’s face to his until he could whisper in his ear.

Nothing else was to be said other than the call of their names in animalistic voices and the “I love you’s” exchanged between the two whether in the form of words or countless kisses they pressed on every inch of each other’s bodies. The darkness was a comfort to the both of them as they melted against each other in their shared heat.

The world was against Sawamura Daichi. The world was against Sugawara Koushi. But, they had the rest of the night and the rest of their time shared together to face the cruel twist of reality and the unfair world that surrounded them. With clasped hands in one and fond looks to each other, the world suddenly didn’t seem like such a bad place after all.

****  
  


 

 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry about plotholes, overusage of words, etc. I just really wanted to get this out of my drafts so I didn't really reread over it and it gets really hard for me to write after awhile so... Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I might make a sequel a little later (expect it in 2060) but idk. 
> 
> I'm pretty iffy about the ending but I just didn't know when to wrap it up and I wanted to stop writing since I already went past 20 pages in google docs so :// Thanks for reading! : )
> 
> PS. I just wanted to say that romantic relationships won't help with mental illnesses! I repeat, being in a romantic relationship will not "cure" or help you with a mental illness! I used to think that way and I always wanted to be in a relationship but actually being in one stressed me out ten times more and did NOT stop my suicidal thoughts/tendencies. However, relationships can (not for all people) help you open up and actually talk with your significant other so I'm not saying don't be in a romantic relationship. I'm just trying to say that you won't get better just because you have a significant other. Cool. Enjoy the rest of your day. Hope you win the lottery.


End file.
